Always Unique Totally Interesting Sometime Mysterious

The puzzle pattern in the Autism Awareness ribbon reflects the mystery and complexity of autism. The different colors and shapes represents the diversity of people and families living with autism. The brightness of the ribbon signals hope-hope through research and increasing awareness.

No two people with autism/aspergers is the same. Take my boys. They both have a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome. J is doing really well. I think he gets that he is different and has learned to cope with it. Loud gatherings still bother him but he knows how to pull himself out of the situation in a socially appropriate way. He is better at asking for help when he needs it. The fact that he doesn't have a lot of friends at school still hurts him, but he has some through his outside activities. When he is nervous or excited he paces and when he is really excited he will flap his hands (a very typical autistic response). He is doing very well in school and I'm glad that he has a home where he feels comfortable and can let his freak flag fly with just minimal of teasing from his mom.

J2 is a different story. Maybe because he is still so young and that a lot of the behavior is new and just starting to show themselves. We held him back this year in school. He was about a half a year behind. This year everything seems to distract him. Every noise in the room he hears and every movement catches his attention. From the kids sitting next to him to the fish tank (which I forgot was even in the room). The rustle of papers to the air conditioner. He needs constant verbal cues to stay on task, even though he knows what to do. The texture of his clothing bothers him and he is truly happy just being in his underwear. He has started to have more melt downs and crying episodes over anything.

As their mother I see it as my job to fix things. From a scrapped knee to help with homework. I am having a really hard time not being able to fix there Aspergers. Their dad says that we need to manage it, not fix it. My heart breaks when I see my sons being rejected by their peers. Seeing them act so dorky that if they were in my class at that age I would have thought they were odd. I see what my boys see, but I also understand what the other kids see. I hurts my heart to see J2 cover his ears in class and J shrink physically during the track meet because of all the noise in the stands. And it kills me that I can do very little about it all.

I came to the realization not long after the little one was diagnosed that I have these two awesome boys for a reason. God gave them to me to help and guide them. I had them six years apart as part of the plan for there lives not because of my inability to procreate like everyone else. And on days like this, when the recommendation for J2 is to have headphones or earplugs at school to help him block out the noise, I white knuckle cling to the fact that my Father in Heaven understands my heartache and that there is a larger purpose for it all.