A Bit of a Scare

I realize I have been neglectful at best about this blog. We, like so many families with school age children are at this time of the year. I am planning an update, fair, field day, Zoo trip...but first,

I was standing in the kitchen talking to El Patron and J2 a few weeks ago. They were getting ready to go to a father/son outing. I was going to work in the garden then help another 4-Her from our club with her demonstration. We were just talking about what they need to take, how long they were going to be, blah, blah, blah when all of a sudden it felt as if all the air in my lungs was sucked out of my chest, mostly under my sternum, and I got totally light headed. I told EP that I felt like I was going to faint. I sat down and waited until I felt a little better. My chest felt tight and I was a bit dizzy. I told him I was fine and to go ahead and not to worry. I had something to eat, laid down and felt a little bit better. I called my friend Tina to see what she thought and she told me to go to Urgent Care. I don't think it really called for that. I had looked up "Heart Attack" on the web but I only had a tight chest, nothing else. She told me to take some aspirin and call her back if it got worse AFTER I called 911.

I'm sure it was just a small anxiety attack. We have been so crazy busy with something every other day that I am having a hard time sleeping and now the anxiety attacks will start. I have had them for a long time and know what they are. The worse one I ever had was when J. and I went camping in Colorado with my in-laws. J. was five or so. I thought I lost my keys at the campsite and panicked. Everyone thought I was having a heart attack or an asthma attack. I was shaking and crying. I couldn't breathe and felt lightheaded and almost passed out. I had left them at my Sister-in-laws camper.

I've had large ones when I am stressed and have no control of my surroundings like when my father-in-law went into the hospital after his stroke, when the boys and I went sledding with my mom and sister, playing in the waves at the beach and the first time I was in a small house with all of my in-laws for a baptism. Small ones happen when I am overworked and stressed out. Usually my chest tightens and I have a hard time breathing and just need to take a break.

I've have had them at family events. I need to just step aside and get away from the crowds. I just need to get away and breath. Unfortunately, everyone thinks I'm being rude, that I don't like their company. I should have explained it but nobody asked until it was to late and now I don't think I am believed.

I've been told I need to cut down on the stuff I do. That "no" is a complete sentence but what do I cut out. I've looked at it all, all my commitments to my family, school, church, 4-H and really I don't feel like much can go. It is all important to me and my children and husband.

I really do say no, well sometimes.